The Quiet Strength of Unseen Efforts
It’s strange, isn’t it, how a simple gesture of appreciation can shift the way we see someone?
That moment when we stop and really notice the efforts they’ve made, the sacrifices they’ve silently endured, and the ways they’ve tried to be there for us—even when they were hurting themselves. It’s in these moments of reflection that a person once seen as flawed, cold, or distant begins to transform in our eyes. We realize they’re not only human but deeply caring, understanding, and capable of offering the kind of comfort that touches the soul.
Appreciation is more than just words. It’s an acknowledgment of the silent battles someone has fought to show up for us. When we appreciate their efforts, especially when they’re hurting, we start to see them not as a “bad person” but as someone with the strength to push through their pain for the sake of love and connection. It’s like looking at the same person through a different lens, where their struggles and dedication become the focus, and suddenly, they seem more human, more compassionate.
But what happens when we fail to appreciate those efforts? When we don’t see, or perhaps refuse to see, the lengths they’ve gone to make us feel understood and safe? Slowly, that person’s image in our minds can begin to warp. Instead of seeing their patience, we notice only their imperfections. Instead of seeing their attempts to comfort us, we focus on the times they may have faltered. It’s a dangerous spiral, where the very person who’s tried their best to be there for us becomes someone we believe doesn’t care enough, when in fact, they cared deeply—maybe more than we could ever know.
Imagine the pain of trying your hardest, giving all you have to someone, and still feeling like it’s not enough. Imagine the weight of being misunderstood, of having your efforts unseen. When we don’t appreciate someone’s efforts, especially when they’ve made them despite their own struggles, we risk losing sight of who they truly are. Worse, we risk turning them into a version of themselves that exists only in our minds—a version that’s cold, detached, and far from the truth.
Appreciation is a form of validation. It says, “I see you. I see what you’ve done for me, and I’m grateful.” And in that simple act, we give the other person a chance to be seen in their entirety—not just the mistakes they’ve made, but the love and care they’ve tried to show.
But when that appreciation is missing, it creates a divide. The person who once tried to make us feel understood starts to feel like a stranger. The one who quietly put aside their pain to make us smile begins to fade in our memories, replaced by someone we now believe never tried hard enough. It’s unfair, isn’t it? To forget all the times they showed up, even when it was difficult for them. To ignore the fact that, in their own way, they were offering us the best of what they had.
When we fail to appreciate someone’s effort, we not only risk losing them—we risk distorting the very essence of who they are. We turn a loving, considerate person into someone distant, all because we couldn't—or wouldn't—see the quiet sacrifices they made for us.
So, what’s the cost of not appreciating someone’s effort? It’s not just a lost connection. It’s the loss of truly seeing someone’s heart for what it is. A heart that, despite its own wounds, tried its best to make us feel loved. It’s a loss that could have been avoided with a simple “thank you” or a moment of understanding.
I’ve often wondered how different things might be if my efforts had been appreciated for what they were. There were times when I showed up for you despite my own pain, times when I gave all I had because I wanted you to feel comforted, understood, and loved. Even though I was hurt, I still tried. But sometimes, it felt like those efforts went unnoticed. And in those moments, I wondered if what I gave was ever enough.
It’s not that I needed praise or constant recognition, but a simple acknowledgment—something that would have made me feel seen. Yet, even without that, I continued because I cared deeply. My heart wanted you to feel understood, even if mine was quietly breaking.
But I’m not here to blame or point fingers. I just wish the love I tried to show wasn’t so easily overlooked. That you could see me, not as someone who failed, but as someone who was always trying, even when it wasn’t easy.
