Alex’s Day 2: When She Says No But Doesn’t Mean It.

Alex’s Okay Day

Today wasn’t exactly a bad day, but it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows either. I found myself constantly thinking about her, even though we’re supposed to be no-contact. I broke the rule by creating a new private Instagram account, and to my surprise, she responded. There was a sense of concern in her voice, even though she claimed not to care anymore. Maybe a part of her still did, despite what she said.

The highlight of my day was a double text from her. It started with “I can’t help but be worried for you…“ . Although I didn’t express my happiness directly, hoping to keep the conversation flowing, we chatted for a while.

Later, unable to hold it in any longer, I sent her a voice message confessing that I couldn’t stop thinking about her all day. She replied, but then quickly deleted the message. Apparently, it said, “I said let’s talk then…” This back-and-forth, a flicker of interest followed by hesitation, left me confused yet hopeful. There’s clearly a part of her that wants to talk, but something is holding her back.

We also discussed the guilt she felt for still caring about me. I reassured her that she’s not a bad person for having these feelings. In fact, I believe she’s one of the best people I know. The conversation made me realize she’s dwelling on the hurt, and I wanted to suggest she move on from it. But for some reason, I couldn’t get the words out.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to tell her that holding onto pain won’t make it disappear. Life is full of ups and downs, and focusing on the bad times only makes them worse. There’s so much more to experience, and I wish I could share that journey with her. But for now, I can only wait and see what time brings.