A Day in the Life of Longing
Today was a good day, though I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every second was filled with thoughts of her: What is she doing? Is she okay? How is her day going? I miss her. Does she miss me?
From morning till 5 PM, we didn’t talk, but I wanted to text her and let her know I was thinking about her every second. Instead of expressing my exact feelings, I texted her, “Just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. No rush to respond, but I’m here if you need anything. Hope you’re having a good day! ❤” She responded that her day was just going — not good or bad, just going.
Feeling nervous, I sent another message: “Are you fine? I mean, I don’t know, but I feel something’s off with you. We can talk later if that’s what you feel like. I don’t know what I am texting… why am I nervous to text you? 🥴”
She told me she had read my article and found it touchy and relatable. When I asked which part was most relatable, she said almost the whole thing. Then she said, “ttyl,” and I understood completely. Maybe she needed some time alone, and I didn’t feel sad. Instead, I realized it was okay because I didn’t want to invade her space.
The old me would have insisted on talking, but the new me understood completely and didn’t act based on my feelings. I just wanted to make sure she knew I was there if she needed someone. Later, I couldn’t stop myself from texting her, but I was afraid I might not be giving her space or that I was being clingy. I figured out a way to text her without being clingy: “Just wanted to let you know that you’ve been on my mind. Can’t stop thinking about you ❤,” hoping it wasn’t triggering or invasive.
There’s this song from ISHQ VISHK REBOUND, “CHOT DIL PE LAGI,” which has been stuck in my mind all day, reminding me of her. So, I made a video of our last movie experience, which was actually the movie whose song was on my mind, and I sent it to her. I hope the video doesn’t trigger her, but instead reminds her of the good times we had. I just hope she misses me and knows that I am there for her no matter what ❤.
Sometimes, I feel like switching off my phone, deactivating my socials, uninstalling WhatsApp, and just sitting near a beach with her. I want to forget about everything and just feel her presence, away from everybody, and live in that very moment. No one, no stress, no insecurities, no pressure — just me and her, enjoying the cold breeze, listening to the waves, walking on the soaked sand, smelling the scent of the sand and her perfume. Just a nice walk in silence, feeling the peace in that moment.
Just picturing it gives me so much peace. When it actually happens, I know I will truly find my peace. Nothing is more peaceful for me than spending quality time with her ❤.
